Monday, February 22, 2016

​ Our sexist feminist husbands

Okay so my husband's a feminist. Your husband is a feminist. But guess what? Deep down if you really pay attention...their still sexist bastards. Oh they say their all for equality in the work place and would never dream of cat-calling but you better believe they will 100% treat their daughters differently than they treat their sons. 

And, hey look, our husbands aren’t bad guys, but they have been conditioned just like we have by a misogynistic patriarchal society as we have. 

For instance my husband was baffled by Aziz Ansari standup at Madison Square Garden. Aziz told a story about having to pretend to be a stranger's boyfriend so a guy would leave her alone. He told another story where a woman was being followed by a man. She couldn't lose him so she buzzed and was allowed entrance into a pet store. She begged the clerk not to allow the man behind inside and explained he had been following her. She remained in the store for 45 minutes upon which the man finally gave up and left. My husband and Aziz were both outraged. That's 45 minutes of someone's life. That's scary behavior and when my husband turned to me and asked if it is really like that I look at him eyes wide and literally had to shake my hand and answer yes. I realized two things in that moment: 

My husband doesn’t know what it is like in the world for a woman no matter the articles I tell him about and stories I mention. 

Nothing means anything if it is not said by a man to a man. For all my talk this "problem" did not sink in until another man told the story. A story about a woman doesn't matter unless it is told by a man. Let that sink in. 

It is very much like the fake boyfriend reference above. A man does not care if a woman is uninterested in him. How dare she? She deserves to be talked about crudely. She deserves to have her sexuality challenged and harassed because she doesn't want you. She deserves to be disrespected. But a man lay claim on a woman...then it is all good. The men hold an unspoken understanding and due to her "ownership" being clearly defined the man cease to engage and moves on. Literally WHAT THE FUCK? 

This all seems so normal that men do not see the problem. It is part of their privilege as men. And if they are white like my husband then you've got white male privilege and seriously it becomes even more of an uphill battle. Unless you watch an Aziz Ansari standup and he lays it out.
It is literally like a white person having to describe to another white person the horrors of slavery. That is a black story and yet many do not hear if the teller does not have something in common with the listener. 

And that is fucked up.

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