Monday, February 29, 2016


As I dressed for my friends cocktail party I shook my head thinking "If young Tyne could only see me now. How ashamed she'd be. “ To young Tyne coolness was in casting off as much femininity and feminization as possible. 

A lifelong feminist I have to admit I sought stability, power and to be taken seriously which meant outdoing boys in every possible arena: climbing trees, running, baseball, you name it and I could beat all the boys at it. This is a trait I've learned I inherited from my mother. I saw no value in femininity. 

As far as I was concerned all that was a ploy by men to make women fold into the paper dolls they want us all to be. What men want and how exactly they want a woman's hair, clothes, nails, perfume...I was sure it was all controlled by this supreme yet semi-elusive “the men". 

This all leaves me in a predicament today...with a husband who desires me to dress more feminine and friends who seem to share his views I am left confused and outside most ways of life. I am simply not comfortable in feminine clothing. I feel restricted at best and a fool at worst as if everyone can tell I'm putting on an act. For gender is a performance and I do not perform my gender well. 

So where does this leave me? To continue on and be mocked by not only strangers but by those closest to me? Or do I conform and fake loving the "girly" dresses and shoes and skirts and colors. Do I submit to societies views on what a woman should be? Or do I continue on?

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